3 Steps to Becoming Sexually Independent

Are you sexually independent? Does your sexual pleasure rely solely on others or are you capable of fulfilling yourself? Sexual independence doesn’t mean that you will never need or want a sexual partner again, but it is the key to having great sex both with your partner(s) and with yourself.

Here are three steps you can take right now toward your own sexual independence:

1. Know what drives your pleasure.
   If you know what drives your sexual pleasure, as well as which contexts accelerate your arousal (vs. which contexts pump the brakes), not only will you be on the path toward sexual independence, but you’ll be better able to communicate these motivations to your partner(s).

   Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are gives great insight into the inner workings of sexual pleasure and the Sexual Temperament Questionnaire is a helpful tool for learning your sexual “brakes and accelerators.”

2. Masturbate regularly.
   Masturbation is completely normal and it’s the safest sexual pleasure you can have since there’s no risk of STI/STD transmission. Masturbation not only helps with sexual confidence and helps you get in tune with your body and your pleasure preferences, but it releases feel-good hormones in the body that are beneficial to your mental health as well. Plus, when you know how your pleasure works and what it feels like, you’re taking your sexual pleasure into your own hands (quite literally) and traveling down a path toward sexual independence.
   

3. Nourish your sensual self with rituals/routines.
   Nourish your Sensual self through “pleasure practices,” which is what I call the rituals or routines you do to tap into your sensual self and nourish your body sexually. Looking for ideas to create your own pleasure practice? Check out my Sensual Self-Care 101 course: Activating Your Sensual Self where you’ll get weekly journal prompts and rituals for nourishing your sensual self through all five of your senses!